At the last wedding I attended, I listened to the vows and began to consider love and all of my relationships. From parental to platonic friendships, to love I’ve had for pets, I realized I haven’t yet experienced that love that you see in movies or read about in fairy tales. It sounded so wonderful, so fascinating, like the best thing ever… it sounded like something I should be open to having…
While I was waiting to see who I would attract into my life, I began studying out the word: love. I discovered something interesting. In English we have only one word for love, while in the Greek language there are six words that are used to refer to love: eros, philia, ludus, agape, pragma and philautia. Interesting.
I learned that eros is the kind of love that’s usually shown to us in movies and books; it’s all about chemistry. A huge physical/emotional/sexual need-to-have response to a person. Interestingly, the Greeks tended to fear this type of love for it’s loss of control. Yet in today’s society, it’s that loss of control that we tend to crave. Falling ‘dangerously’ in love, ‘madly’ in love…
Then there’s philia which refers to deep friendship or brotherly love, also the type of love that could be described between parent and child. Third we have Ludus which refers to playful love; like at the beginning stages of a relationship. Simple, fun, flirtatious. Fourth we have agape which I had heard of before, referred to as the God-kind of love or a love of humanity, charity, a universal love and devotion. It can be used to express charity or empathy.
Next we have pragma which describes the kind of understanding that develops between married couples after years of commitment.This is a big one. It’s all about the ongoing compromises that need to take place to make the relationship work over time. (what? I’ve never seen that in a movie). Pragma is all about showing patience and tolerance (gulp).
Lastly we have philautia. Now there are two sides to this word. On the one hand we have a self-absorbed, narcissistic type of idea. But the other side of philautia has to do with a love of self that allows us to love others. It’s what Christ meant when he said that the greatest commandment is to love God with all that we have, and to love our neighbors as ourselves.
Although at first it felt like an eternity for me since the last time I had been on a date, my young friends in my pottery class made it feel like just yesterday after some of them asked for my dating advice. Being married for over 30 years and having so many friends and relatives come to me for love advice I feel like I am a great resource for igniting that romantic flame.
First dates are simple. I mean honestly anyone can give pretty decent advice on a first date dinner. With the right couple a meal at a fast food joint can be the most romantic thing ever. What these young girls wanted to know about was my advice on a very special dinner date that led to their first, shall we say, romantic encounter with their respective boyfriends. I’m pretty old fashioned and in my day you waited until marriage before you really did anything but I understand that times have changed and who am I to judge anyway? So I gave them my advice and opinion, set the mood with food.
Aphrodisiacs are not proven by science; let’s get that out there first. I don’t think there is anything that will get you instantly in the mood. There are things however that can get you along that path. There are many stories throughout history about aphrodisiacs. And the amount of foods believed by some to alter your romantic mood is staggering. Since no real concrete evidence has ever been found a lot of people don’t put much stock into them even existing. But, personally I find that there really certain foods that change my mood.
Everyone and their mother has heard all the stories about Spanish fly and anyone that spends more than 20 seconds researching it will soon discover it is more of an irritant to the urinal tract than it is and aphrodisiac. This doesn’t work so just forget about it. Asparagus on the other hand is heavy in vitamins D and E. These vitamins are responsible for two key functions when it comes to sexuality. Vitamin D can produce sexual hormones and vitamin E can increase the amount of oxygenated blood sent to your sex organs. Broccoli is high in vitamin C and vitamin C increases blood circulation and has been known to aid in the female libido. Figs are another food that you should consider to boost your sexual mood as it can increase the secretion of pheromones which can make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
Computers and the internet have become such an important part of our lives that it is no surprise that we now use them for practically everything, including finding dates. Dating online has many advantages indeed but it can also have some unwanted results. It all depends on how it is used. If you have found it difficult so far to navigate through the tough terrain of online dating then the following tips will definitely be of use to you:
• Be completely honest about yourself because this is the only way you’ll be able to take any relationship forward. You do not have to give out all information about yourself for reasons of privacy, but what you do post should be accurate. The photo that you post online should be a recent one and its best to avoid putting your best should be as natural as possible. Once you have made a connection with someone then you can offer more information and photos of yourself. Keep in mind that many people use these sites with ulterior motives.
• Don’t judge prospective partners by their photos only. It is very easy to touch up photos in order to look more appealing. You should spend time to read the profile of the person in order to gauge its tone rather than merely collect information about the other person. Look out for signs of insincerity and untruthfulness.
• Look for broad based similarities and areas of interest instead of finding a person whose likes and dislikes mirror yours exactly. This will help you encounter a lot of people who are potentially good partners and will also keep you from shutting out some really good people. You can always narrow down your search at a later date.
• Have realistic expectations in order to avoid feeling disappointed. No matter who you are, it is very unlikely that every person you are interested in will respond in the same manner. As a matter of fact, you have to exercise a lot of caution in your online interactions. If someone doesn’t respond to your overtures then you should look for another person to interact with instead of wasting your precious time. Similarly, you should be honest with other people when you lose interest in them.
We make decisions that affect our lives every day, but even the simplest decisions in life can be the most challenging. So how difficult can it be to choose the best man or quality woman in your life? Relationships are one of the most talked about subjects around the world. Authors however have written that buying a house or investing your money ranks higher. Hmm. I’m not sure if everyone is interested in buying a home or investing their money-especially today. However, I know that everyone wants to give love to and receive love from their “Life Partner.” After all, this is the person with whom you will become one force in order to accomplish big things.
I could easily point out several toxic poisons that would disqualify mates from showing up on your radar, and the result of those points would make you focus on everything “wrong” instead of what you desire. Check out the lyrics to a song I wrote: “I remember as clear as crystal, the evening we met. Your energy met my energy, and it went straight to my head. Then I invited you to my home, decided to let you roam… what was I thinking?
Then you made a fool of me… took advantage of my vulnerability. Ooh babe, I thought that you and me… we were gonna be togetherrrr… ooooh, but that was My Bad.
Many of us can relate, sooooo, here Seven Diamond Gems for Attracting an Incredible Life Partner.
1. Travel Internally – The Kingdom of Heaven is Within…
You are of Diamond quality–a person who deserves the absolute best in this life. You enjoy heaven now by being your own best friend. Spending time alone in silence helps you roll out your diamond carpet desires while polishing your character. In order to attract love, you must BE love. Believe in your heart that the right mate is available to you. Write down what you desire in your mate, put it away and then get on with living your life. It’s essential to be your own best friend first and your Life Partner will find you. #thatisall.
2. Live Your Life on Purpose – Do What You Love and You’ll Never Work…
While waiting patiently for your “Life Mate” to come forward, live your life on purpose with passion. I’ve noticed that couples usually hook up while simply carrying out a mission that is dear to their heart. It shows that you are not desperate or in need for anything or anyone right now. People living on purpose demonstrate that they have all they need. My Partner recognizes my drive, my need for space and my love for life. We know how to be with one another. Be mindful that while positive energy attracts a lot of potential suitors, you will recognize the one that suits you.
3. Expand Your Circles – I’m really coming into my own as a woman. I’m experiencing spiritual growth. ~Paula Abdul
Consider expanding your circles to meet other distinguished men and women who have traveled farther than you. I meet with a new mentor in our 12-week Women’s Ministry Mentoring Program every quarter. Imagine the maturation that occurs when distinctive women mentors impart their wisdom to you every 12-wks. Meet with people who are willing to freely share their knowledge because they are comfortable with who they have become is massive evolution. Every one we encounter helps us experience, experiment, explore, express, engage and expand. Don’t miss out on meeting the best of the best. Expand your circles to attract the kind of person you desire. Your mate may be swimming in this pool.